Column: "Cheetah" Woods
A car accident reveals a different Tiger Woods from the one we're used to
Published: Thursday, December 10, 2009 - 6:48pm
Gargoyle assistant editor
Posted Thursday, Dec. 10, 2009
THE DAY AFTER Thanksgiving, while I was still in a food coma from consuming all the deliciousness the evening before, I was on the couch watching SportsCenter.
After highlights of the Detroit Lions losing again (for like the millionth time on Turkey Day), the announcer came on with the headline, “Tiger Woods in serious condition after a car accident outside his residence.”
I immediately yelled at my parents: “OH MY GOSH. You guys have to come here. Tiger Woods is seriously injured.”
Then commotion ensued as my parents quickly got on their computers while the guests at my house, who are also avid Tiger fans, ran down to the basement to join me on the couch.
But then, nothing made sense. The announcer said that Tiger backed his car into a fire hydrant and tree at 2 a.m. in front of his home in Florida. Also, Tiger was in "critical" condition at the hospital following the accident. How fast do you have to be backing out of your driveway to be seriously hurt after hitting a fire hydrant and tree?
Then my mom told me that the Internet news sites were reporting that Tiger's wife, Elin Nordegren Woods, had "saved his life" by breaking open a window of the car with a golf club and pulling him out.
Saved his life? Was his car in a rolled-up piece of scrap metal after such a meager accident? Was the car about to spontaneously combust? Couldn't Tiger spend a little more out of his $110 million paycheck from last year to afford a decent car that just doesn't crumble up?
Then everything began to slowly unravel. As more and more outlets, such as TMZ, got wind of this accident, stories and rumors began popping up. Then things got more suspicious as Tiger canceled his meeting with the police about the accident and revealed absolutely nothing to the public.
Since then, the most pressing and talked-about rumor is that Tiger Woods is a cheater. Not at golf, but that he has been an unfaithful man to his wife, a Swedish former model.
Several women have now emerged claiming to be Tiger's lovers. And the explanation for Tiger driving away at 2 a.m. as his wife chased him with a golf club was because she had found out about Tiger's unfaithfulness and was enraged.
The first alleged mistress is a nightclub performer, Rachel Uchitel. The 34-year-old has been rumored to be connected to other high-profile athletes such as Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter. When she came out denying the allegations, I thought, "Phew, Tiger isn't a bad guy."
But then, other women emerged. Life & Style magazine alleged that Kalika Moquin, a marketing manager at a Vegas nightclub, had an extramarital affair with Tiger. When she was asked about the affair, she didn't say anything to confirm or deny it.
In my opinion, anyone who doesn't say anything is really sketchy and most of the time it means that he or she is guilty. Just sayin'.
Then there's another woman who has yet to be named. This lady is even sketchier because the first thing she did after telling people of the affair was to get a lawyer.
Now on to the most important alleged mistress: Jaimee Grubbs.
She isn't your high-class and refined woman that you would think a high-profile celebrity like Tiger Woods would be connected to. Grubbs works as a cocktail waitress in L.A. and was also on
— what I think is a very trashy show — VH1's "Tool Academy."
Grubbs has come out saying that she has been with Tiger on and off for about 31 months. She also claims to have lots of pictures, hundreds of scandalous text messages, plenty of phone records, and many voicemails that prove this extramarital relationship.
So how did Elin finally find out about this very secretive affair? Well, according to a source, Tiger was acting like a typical teenager and would not stop texting and calling someone. Elin demanded the phone and discovered all this evidence that pointed to an affair.
- I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.
- I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.
He never said that the allegations of extramarital affairs were false, but then again he didn't necessarily admit they were true. Yet, Tiger still apologized for something.
At this point, I am just totally disgusted with Tiger. He was supposed to be this perfect role model for aspiring athletes. While many celebrities have lots of scandals, affairs, and the like, Tiger had remained out of the spotlight, until this accident and all of the related unfolding events.
I grew up watching Tiger make amazing shots and having stunning comebacks in many major tournaments. I simply loved this guy. Yes, loved Tiger, in the past tense.
Tiger Woods is still a golf genius. He has been playing great all these years without the affairs affecting him, and maybe all these revelations won't affect his playing ability. But now everyone has seen another side to him. Kids like me can't look up to him as a role model. These affairs show he hasn't been honest and faithful; instead, in my view, they show that he has been a terrible father and a husband.
Hey, Tiger, you really let me and your millions of fans out there down.