OVER THE YEARS, many OG columnists have published suggestions for how to ask that special someone to prom.

While those were all well and good, I feel that the flip side of this issue is too often ignored. What is the best way to get asked to prom by a person who meets your particular standards, without putting in any real work?

Perhaps you’re a girl who buys into the confining and old-fashioned chauvinistic social norms that say you can’t ask a boy. Or you’re a person of any gender who just faces a crippling fear of rejection. Maybe you just don’t like feeling predatory.

I should really point out that I am in no way shape or form qualified to be writing this article. But my sense of journalistic integrity would simply not allow this topic to be ignored. So here are some suggestions I’ve gathered from various observations and just plain common sense.

1. Have Attractive Friends

Attractive friends get attractive dates, right? Actually, we go to Uni, which means that some people will settle pretty gosh darn easily ….

Well, anyway, your Attractive friend’s Attractive date will most likely have Attractive friends. Then you can all go together! It’s only logical.

Hint: If you do not have attractive friends, maybe you should just suck up to attractive people for a good seven months beforehand so they have to encourage anyone they hear might be asking you. Otherwise they will look like terrible people. The downside to this is the people who actually cared about you will hate you for ignoring them for the past seven months, but you’ll have a cute date for, uh, one evening!

2. Act Boring and Unawkward

Hide your pet tarantula! Don’t mention your stamp collection. I don’t care if you think it’s charming, NOBODY ELSE DOES!!!!

3. Drop Hints

Talk constantly about how much you love group dinners at restaurants, mainstream pop/hip-hop, and the ARC. Mention how you won the county fair flower-pinning competition last year. Don’t mention how it was part of the rodeo; nobody likes being compared to cattle. Unless your date is a very bull-like testosterone beefy manly man. Which is cool, if you’re into that sort of thing …

4. Bend … and Snap!

Note: Technically you can’t do this one while you’re sitting on your butt, unless you are superhuman.

5. Play Hard to Get

Talk about how you're too good for everybody. This way, should you somehow misimplement my brilliant suggestions, you won’t look AS lame for not having a date. And if you do get a date, chances are he or she will feel like they have accomplished something very difficult, and will be extra nice to you so you don't drop them in a fiery whirlwind of cold-hearted rejection. Also, people are attracted to arrogance. It’s why Lil Wayne is so successful. Actually, maybe you should just learn how to go hard on the mic.

6. Be Painfully Obvious

Ask your potential date if they're going to prom with anyone. Then stare at them for a few minutes, just in case they don't quite catch your drift. Stare hard.

All in all, be sure to remember that these suggestions are not entirely serious. Even without being asked by your ideal prom date, chances are you can still become a self-actualized and accomplished individual. Maybe. And if not — well, don't worry about it. Good luck getting asked!