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April Fools: Senior boy outraged at scenes in spring musical, planning boycott

Gargoyle photo by David Porreca (click to enlarge)Seniors Sheri Grill and Daniel Borup cuddle in 'West Side Story,' Uni's spring musical this year. Unfortunately, Sheri's fellow senior and longtime boyfriend Russell Prochaska is less than thrilled about the situation.

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URBANA — As practice for the spring musical draws to an end, the shows are right around the corner. Everyone is anxious: There have been many problems to overcome throughout the weeks of practice. From losing members from the cast to extended absences, many have wondered if this year’s musical, "West Side Story," would go on.

According to members of the cast and crew, the musical was making progress and many were excited to have overcome the various hurdles. But now, with such a short time remaining before opening night, yet another barrier has been put up.

The female lead, Maria, played by senior Sheri Grill, is to perform a stage kiss with the male lead, Tony, played by senior Daniel Borup. The kiss is written into the script and is a requirement as part of the role, but unfortunately Grill’s boyfriend, senior Russell Prochaska, doesn’t feel this way.

"I was absolutely appalled to discover Sheri had to share such a romantic kiss with a blonde-haired, blue-eyed senior — other than myself," Prochaska exclaimed in rage.

Prochaska had taken this up with the administration as well as with director Barbara Ridenour under the premise that the kiss is too "explicit" and promotes public displays of affection amongst rambunctious teenagers.

Instead of a kiss, Prochaska has said he would feel more comfortable with a friendly handshake, or even a close hug. Because the spring musical is a requirement for the half of the subbie class taking fine arts, Prochaska feels that a kiss would go too far in encouraging "raunchy" behavior in children as young as 12.

Said Prochaska: "As a subbie, if I had seen two people kiss, who knows how I would have turned out. I can't just present it as an issue of jealousy; people need to realize that when the lights are shining bright on two makeupped actors, it all seems perfect. But, you need to realize the horrible side effects this can have on the student body as well."

Unfortunately, Prochaska's attempts to modify the show have been unsuccessful thus far and an unchanged "West Side Story" is still scheduled to be performed from Thursday through Saturday. As a reaction, Prochaska has stated that if this musical proceeds with the stage kiss then he will form a strike.

He encourages as many people as possible to join him, though he claims that he will stand outside with a picket sign all by himself if that's what it takes to get the point across.

"I just don't understand what he thought I meant by 'practicing our kiss.' I mean, I've told him about it before, and he has even read through the script with me a few times," said Grill in response to Prochaska's attempts. "He can’t possibly just now be realizing it."

Nonetheless, Grill says she is supportive of Prochaska’s activism so long as he still comes to at least one showing of the musical.

"I am glad that Russell has found a cause that he supports; it's just too bad his cause involves rioting against me," explained Grill. "I mean, Daniel and I have been working really hard to get this kiss perfect: It looks so magical on stage. But, I understand Russell's concerns."

Borup was unavailable for comment, other than to say, "What's up? [I really don't see what Russell's problem is. It's just acting, after all.]"

If you would like to help with the protest, please contact Russell Prochaska, locker No. 8.

Happy April Fools' Day! In honor of such a celebrated holiday, the Online Gargoyle decided to treat you to a surprise dose of funny, strictly speculative stories. All quotes are made up, all plotlines purely fluff. We hope you take this opportunity to laugh with us (or at us, it's immaterial). Please enjoy!

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