I have to admit that fortune cookies have long been the highlight of my Chinese — well, Americanized Chinese — food experience. Fortune cookies are like the prize in the cereal box or the cheesy joke on the Popsicle stick. They're the Happy Meal toys of Chinese takeout.

However, I'm often disappointed by the messages these cookies contain. Most of the time, they're not really a fortune per se, but rather just a compliment, like, "You are kind to all you meet." Come on, that’s just a cheap self-esteem boost disguised as a fortune.

On other occasions you get a message that is simply amusing. Half of the time I wonder whether people actually write these fortunes, or if they are the result of a failed random sentence generator.

For example, my mom once cracked open her cookie and received these words of wisdom:

"The rubber bands will point in the right direction."

Honestly, rubber bands don't "point." Besides, even if they did, I don't think you should be turning to them for any kind of guidance. But I'm not complaining, since, ridiculous as it may have been, this fortune definitely cheered me up.

Here's another one that literally made my day: My family and I were having Chinese takeout at a neighbor's house and we were all taking turns breaking our cookies, then reading our fortunes. They were all pretty boring and clichéd until we got to the very last one.

My neighbor unrolled the little strip of paper and read: "Are your legs tired? You're been running through someone's mind all day."

I could not stop laughing. That’s not a fortune; that’s more like a corny pickup line, and a really lame, creepy one at that.

But what can I say? The sheer goofiness is half the fun of fortune cookies! And, let's not forget they come with a handy set of your lucky numbers and a brief lesson in Chinese on the back. Oh yeah, and there's the actual cookie, too.

Well, hopefully I've added some humor to your otherwise stressful end of the quarter. To wrap things up, I'll quote my younger sister's all-time favorite fortune cookie:

"All your future plants will succeed. No they won't; they're dead."

Ah, the sweet taste of enlightenment.