This weekend I was cleaning my room and I found tons of key chains on a metal ring. I wondered where I got all of these ridiculous key chains and why I had bothered to keep them. I conducted a through investigation by expending the effort to read the key chains.

I began to read things like “Be prepared for emergencies. Kids remember to create an emergency supply kit!” and more frequently “Illinois Department of Agricultural and Biological Engineering.”

A guilty wave of realization swept over me when I realized where this collection had come from. These useless goodies and trinkets were from subbie year. They were from the famous Engineering Open House field trip with Mrs. Morris.

In my inaugural EOH trip, I was very careful to follow the rules. My buddy, Katy Metcalf, and I stayed together at all times. We didn’t cross any boundary lines (most likely because we were scared that Mrs. Morris would appear). However, we did have a rather unholistic approach to the “learning experience.” Our goal was to get as much free stuff in as little time as possible.

We started off the morning with a bang. We hit building after building. We learned the art of slipping into a crowd, grabbing the free stuff available, and then skulking away without getting stuck listening to the lecture we were being enticed to hear. We had basically perfected the science of "free."

We had a competition to see who could get the most key chains; our goal was to get one per belt loop, and I am pretty sure we both made it. Hence, the inordinate amount of key chains taking up space in my otherwise pristine room. Once the day was over, we had quite a stash. We had everything from key chains to frisbees to shirts to mints to pens to temporary tattoos to puzzles.

Some of those things I would like to say I used. The mints were quite tasty and Katy and I had fun putting the corporation’s temporary tattoos on our foreheads. But, for the most part, the freebies were garbage. The frisbee didn’t fly straight, the shirt was itchy, and the free USB drive didn’t even have enough memory to hold the first few drafts of my Cutting Edge paper.

So why did I stealthily take useless things? When I saw those key chains, I never asked myself, "Do I really need a bunch of dumb key chains?" Why? Because they were free. If I am coming back from PE and someone hands me a free bible, I won’t say no. When something is free it doesn’t matter whether I need it or not, I want it.

Which brings us back to key chains. Key chains are useless. They do nothing. They managed to sit in my room for four whole years accomplishing nothing. So on this fateful weekend I finally threw them out and felt very free.