Just over 10 and a half years ago I hopped off the school bus wearing a bright shiny apple-shaped nametag, ready for my first day of kindergarten. Looking back, that seems like ages ago. But when I think back to fifth or sixth grade, the memories are not as hard to remember, and it’s hard to believe that was nearly five years ago. At that age I imagined I would be in school forever. I never thought beyond high school, and I never imagined what it would actually be like once I was in high school.

Now it's my junior year of high school, and I'm realizing I only have one more year left. That's it. One year to get it all right. And frankly, that thought is so liberating and frightening at the same time that I don't know how to handle it.

Unlike a lot of my friends, I've really enjoyed my primary education. I was always happy to go back to school after break. I really enjoyed everything about it — from the teachers and students to the assignments and traditions. School was the only thing I knew — and it still is. But now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and my first impulse is to slow down and delay my arrival at the exit. I'm scared to death about what my life will be like after I leave the safe zone I know as high school.

I've always been a dreamer. Ever since I can remember I've imagined what I wanted my life to be like years later, and I still do. The realization that struck me the most is that this is the year I always dreamed about the most. When I was younger I thought junior year would be the year that, for some reason, would be the most worth imagining. But when I think about what my 8-year-old self thought my life would be, I see very few overlaps in my current life. While this disheartens me on one level, it also gives me a breath of hope for my future.

I've changed since I was younger. I'm not the same person I was then, and what I aspire to isn't the same either. My fantasy world is no longer what it used to be. If I were to go back and imagine what I wanted to be like in my junior year of high school it would not be what I imagined all those years ago. I didn't know what it was I would want once I was actually there, or the choices I would make that would send me down different paths.

So even though my life hasn't been what I imagined 10 years ago, it's been exactly what I wanted and needed as I went through it. Trying to map out my life was pointless. It's always changing, and if I tried to stick with what I wanted all those years ago I wouldn't adjust in a way that's beneficial to my current life.

I used to think I had to have a plan — a firm idea of where I want to go and who I want to be. But now I know that's not needed or realistic. I know that it doesn't matter that I don't know exactly what I want to do or where I want to be after high school. In fact, it's good. Allowing my life to change shape as it occurs will help me be happiest.

I wish I would have known years ago that it's not where I go but how I get there that matters. It's all good fun to daydream about the future, but that shouldn't keep you from changing your mind and path later on. So, although I am scared beyond words about my future after high school, I have to trust that I'm prepared enough to keep swimming in whatever direction I need to, and that once I finally get there I can look back with the same happiness I used to look forward with.