"1000 Places to See Before You Die." "The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die." "1001 Foods You Must Taste Before You Die." "1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die." To hear these supposed experts tell it, we've all got a whole lot to do before we make that trip to the other side.

I've always been repelled by these "beat the deadline" books and their somewhat morbid urgency to take action on the overambitious lists that they present. There is a pretentious tone to most of them that says: "Hey, I've gone out of my way to research, compile, and benefit financially from this list, so you'd better get on the ball and start knocking some of these things out. Your clock is ticking."

Who on earth, even at our age, will have the leisure to tackle even 1 percent of these directives in a lifetime?

Even if I had the time and resources, I would probably run away from the suggestions in these books. I would rather stumble into life's quirks and wonders, both the large and the small, instead of being shepherded toward them.

These books are offered by different authors and publishers, yet all of them have a formula feel that smacks of the "… For Dummies" and "Chicken Soup for the Whatever" franchises. It's only a matter of time before these concepts run out of subjects and are forced to feed upon one another.

You might want to get a jump on this and place your advance order for next winter's holiday hit: "Chicken Soup for the Souls of Dummies Who Don't Get Crap Done Before They Die." Act now, and you'll receive the companion calendar, "365 Projects to Put Off Until You Die or Until an Idiot's Guide to Said Projects Comes Out (Whichever Comes First)."