“(500) Days of Summer”
Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Zooey Deschanel, Geoffrey Arend
Released: Aug. 7, 2009

WATCH THE TRAILER

A romantic 'comedy' that's not funny, only boring.

"(500) DAYS OF SUMMER" has just replaced "The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie" as my least favorite film of all time.

Tom Hansen (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) halfheartedly dreams of being an architect, but he's spent the past three years working for a greeting card company in LA.

In walks his boss' hot straight-out-of-Michigan assistant, Summer Finn (Zooey Deschanel), and he's in love.

Tom, you see, believes that he's predestined for "the one," his soulmate. And he believes that Summer's it.

The only problem is that Summer doesn't feel exactly the same way. In fact, she doesn't even want a boyfriend.

Tom doesn't understand that concept, however, and the two start this weird form of a not-relationship where they hook up a lot and hang out in furniture stores.

Anyway, I don't want to spill all the details, but eventually Summer winds up marrying another guy. This isn't giving away anything important because the film isn't chronological, which might be the only not-banal thing about the whole project.

I should also mention that there's this really weird Morgan Freeman-wannabe narrator who shows up at inconsistent points in the film. And a bunch of pointless split-screening. And a completely unnecessary dance number.

This movie is billed as "romantic comedy." Here's my only problem with that: It's not funny. It's just boring. All you can do the whole time is stare at the male lead. To be fair, he is very attractive. Like Edward Norton turned pretty-boy.

And both characters dress quite well, like they bought out whatever the "20-something yuppie" version of Urban Outfitters is.

Tom also wears big headphones, because that's totally not over-the-top, or anything, and he plays music by The Smiths out of them.

And the film is shot in this weird underexposed type of style so that you think it takes place in the '70s or '80s, but then the characters pull up iTunes on the computer and you realize (surprise!) it's in the current day. There are even hand-drawn block letters, so you know it's really independent.

Anyway, the moral of the story is that we all have soulmates, so stop freaking out because fate will make sure you're in the right place at the right time with the right person.

If you don't buy into this belief, the entire movie will make you want to projectile vomit. And if you do, well — um, have fun.

"(500) Days of Summer" is playing at the Goodrich Savoy 16, 232 W. Burwash, Savoy.

"(500) Days of Summer" AT A GLANCE

• Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Tom Hansen), Zooey Deschanel (Summer Finn), Geoffrey Arend (McKenzie)
• Directed by: Marc Webb
• Written by: Scott Neustadter & Michael H. Weber
• Genre: Romantic Comedy
• Rated: PG-13
• Runtime: 95 min.
• Release date: July 17, 2009
• Summary (from IMDb): An offbeat romantic comedy about a woman (Deschanel) who doesn't believe true love exists, and the young man (Gordon-Levitt) who falls for her.