Lauren Piester steps off the Tryon Festival stage Saturday night after receiving her Uni High diploma. She will attend Columbia College of Chicago in the fall. Gargoyle photo by David Porreca (click to enlarge)

HERE, IN MY senior column, I quite honestly have absolutely no idea what to say.

I've written and rewritten this column so many times, each time utilizing my overflowing stock of slightly humorous and mostly endearing things to write about: my enjoyment of "High School Musical," my obsession with "American Idol," my small-town country roots, etc.

But then I read them over and realize that I'm not actually saying anything. No one, including me, will get anything out of it except maybe a mild chuckle at my ridiculousness. It's just fluff.

In fact, it has a name well known amongst essay-writing high school students: bullsh***ing.

It's a skill, really, being able to say a lot when you don't really have anything to say, or when you don't know what to say. You can write paragraph after paragraph, hundreds and hundreds of words and never say a single thing.

But I feel like this is my last chance, at least until I become famous, to say something, especially something meaningful, that will reach even the smallest of communities. The only problem is that I still have no idea what it is I want to say. I think maybe the problem is that I don't feel done yet.

While Uni has provided me with a better, stranger high school experience than I could have ever hoped for, it almost doesn't feel complete. It's like some part of me doesn't understand that I'm never going back, and so I don't really feel it's time to reflect quite yet.

I definitely don't feel like it's time to graduate. I'm one of the oldest in the class, and I don't feel old enough. I don't feel as grown-up as the graduating seniors have always seemed to me.

I realize that I'm 18 and can't figure out how that happened, or how I made it through five years at Uni, just like two years ago I wondered, bewildered and excited, how anyone on earth ever thought it was a good idea to give me car keys. When did I stop being a little kid?

As I commemorated all my lasts, like my last day, my last class, my last lunch hour, my last fitness test, it didn't really mean anything. It was really all just fun, just fun to say, an interesting thing to think about.

But none of it ever felt like the last time. I keep wanting to feel sad, but I just can't. My eyes occasionally tear up as I talk about how much I'll miss so many people, but that's about it.

As for my life next year, I've picked a college. I've got housing lined up. I've even picked a major. But I can't picture it. I can't picture next year. I can't imagine going to any kind of school besides high school at any place besides Uni, and I think that's part of my inability to let go, or to even realize that I have to let go.

While I keep waiting for it to hit me, I actually kind of hope it never does. I think that at Uni, I've become who I want to be. I've made friends I never want to lose, and I've learned things I never want to forget.

It's sad to think about leaving it all behind, but I think the true test of my Uni education will come when I leave it. How well am I prepared for college? For life after college? I can't say yet. But I know the transition will be made so much worse if all I can do is pine for high school.

Maybe there's another reason I just haven't felt the extreme sadness yet. Maybe I actually am ready to graduate, to move on, and I'm so ready that there's just no reason to be sad. Maybe it's truly time for me to get out of here, and to take my journalistic ramblings elsewhere. Maybe if I stayed too much longer at Uni, I would begin to hate it anyway.

So really, I've enjoyed and valued my time at Uni so incredibly much, but it is time to go. I guess all I've really got to do now is thank all my friends and teachers with a big virtual hug and a cookie-dough brownie recipe (see below).

Enjoy it, everybody, since my mom and I won't be there anymore to make them for you.

Lauren's Recipe for Cookie-Dough Brownies

FIRST LAYER (brownies)

• Use a box mix* (Duncan Hines dark chocolate fudge is excellent)
• Use a 9x13 pan** size (make sure the brownie mix makes that size)
• Grease pan
• Mix according to directions and stir in approximately 1 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips
• Bake as directed on the box
• Do not overbake; brownies should just barely be pulling away from sides of pan
• Allow to cool at room temperature

SECOND LAYER (cookie dough)

• Cream together with electric mixer:
  1/2 cup soft butter (or marg.)
  1/2 cup brown sugar
  1/4 cup white sugar

• Add:
  2 tablespoons milk
  1 teaspoon vanilla
  Blend well

• Add:
  1 cup all purpose flour
  Mix well and spread carefully over cooled brownies (It's easiest to use your hands — pat into small "pancakes" and distribute over brownie layer until brownies are covered)

• Melt in microwave:
  1 cup chocolate chips
  1 tablespoon vegetable oil, shortening or margarine
  Use medium power for 1 to 2 minutes, stirring occasionally until smooth
  Spread over cookie dough layer

• Chill

*Many people object to box mixes, but especially for this recipe, where you want the brownies to be pretty dense and as even as possible, box mixes are usually the best way to go.

**It's quite helpful to line baking pan with foil. Then you can lift the brownies out, peel off foil, and cut.