Insomnia
Yes, all right, I’ll admit it: I complain about lack of sleep almost constantly. I have written a column about lack of sleep before. But I never seem to get enough of it; sometimes I’ll wake up on a Saturday morning after 10 hours of sleep, and still feel exhausted.
Lately, though, something terrible has been happening night after night after night.
I have not been able to fall asleep.
Big scary name: Insomnia.
This is how it’s been: at about 10:30, I climb into bed. I turn on the lamp next to my bed and read for a while until my eyes start to blur and my brain refuses to absorb any more information. Then I put down whatever book/magazine I have in my hands, switch off my light, snuggle into my covers, tuck one arm under my pillow, close my eyes, and prepare to fall sleep.
Unfortunately, my eyes eventually open again and I stare at the ceiling. After what seems like an age, I turn on some music. But unfortunately again, the music only serves as a distraction, and I have to turn it off.
I slip back into bed and glance at my clock. The glowing red numbers read 11:50. I am frustrated. I want to talk to someone. I feel very alone in my dark room, and my old fear that there is a monster waiting under the bed to grab me resurfaces.
I pull the blankets tight around me and squeeze my eyes shut again. Eventually, I fall asleep.
Insomnia, quite frankly, sucks. Because through all of this, I know that I am exhausted. I would love nothing better than to fall asleep, but it proves to be impossible. At other times, I fall asleep very quickly initially but then wake up again in the wee hours of morning.
It scares me a little, though, that insomnia is a disease with a fancy name. Doctors can prescribe pills for it. There are different forms of “therapy.” There are all sorts of suggestions: Don’t eat within two to three hours of going to bed, don’t use your bed for anything but sleeping (or sex, according to the Web site that I’m looking at), follow a routine to go to bed …
Jeesh. All I want to do is be able to sleep without feeling like I have an awful mental problem.
It goes away, though. I have time periods like this when I can’t sleep, but suddenly I will be able to fall asleep right away one night. I am waiting desperately for that to happen.
Just one more thought: putting in Avenue Q to help you sleep is a bad, bad idea.
— Michelle Gao