Uni High Gargoyle Staff Blog

I’ve always thought Paris Hilton to be one of the most amusing celebrities. On my bedroom wall, there’s a magazine clipping of Paris with a quote from her saying, “I’m smarter than most people.” This is coming from the girl who asked, “Wal-Mart … do they like, make walls?” She seems to be so out of touch with the real world that it’s almost cute.

A week ago at the Champaign Public Library, I came across this glittery, pink book titled “Confessions of an Heiress” by Paris Hilton.

I recalled hearing about Paris publishing a book some time ago, but I never thought about checking it out. I told myself that since I’ve been reading so many “smart” books for school, it’s time I give my brain a break and read this “not so smart” book. No offense to Paris, but I doubted that she’s much of a scholar.

Her book proved me right. In chapter one, “How to be an Heiress,” Paris offered 23 “wise” tips on how every girl can feel and act like an heiress.

“1. Be born into the right family. Choose your chromosomes wisely. … If an heiress is in control of everything, why shouldn’t she be in control of who she’s born to?” OK …

“6. Never, ever wake up before 10; never go to bed before 3. Normal hours are for normal people. You never want to be normal. Anyone can be normal. How boring, I’m yawning.”

Her other rules include: Have many cell phones and lose them often so you’ll have an excuse to not call someone back, never wear the same thing twice, and act ditzy and lose things.

OK, so her tips aren’t exactly practical. I mean no matter what she says, you really can’t choose who you’re born to. And she may never have to get up before 10, but for those aspiring Paris wannabes — they’ll probably lose their jobs if they did that.

In the beginning, Paris says that this book will allow readers to know the “real me.” However, after reading the book, I didn’t learn anything about Paris that I haven’t heard on TV before, except that she’s obsessed with Vitamin Water and that she wrote a diary pretending to be her Chihuahua, Tinkerbell.

So “Confessions of an Heiress” wasn’t exactly a thought-provoking book. Nevertheless, it was extremely amusing. It was also a very fast read (since there are so many pictures of Paris), and there were absolutely no big words.

So whether you’re a guy or a girl, a Paris-hater or Paris-lover, check out this book. Guys can look at pictures of Paris in skimpy clothing, fans can idolize her words, and haters can make fun of her pictures in the chapter “My Fashion Don’ts.”

“Confessions of an Heiress” will definitely clear your mind and release some of the stress that’s been building up for the final month of school.

— Elaine Gu